Sue Gives A Fuck has 5 years of drag performances under her belt. Three months ago she had sex in drag for the first time. It began a journey that taught her about herself, showed her that straight men are insane, and made her an absolute cock destroyer.

Sue Gives A Fuck: I’m a drag queen. When I switched my gender to female on Tinder, things got niche.

I get turned on by romance. Or, more specifically, by the pretence of romance. I’ve never done it for obvious reasons, but the most arousing thing I can think of is telling a stranger I’m having sex with that I’m in love with them.

My best guess is that, as a queer weirdo, rom-com-childhood-sweetheart love is so remote from what’s possible for me that it’s come to feel like quite an extreme kink.

Kinky is the new normal

Basically, if you’re not normal, doing normal things is subversive, so by engaging in pleasant normal romantic Meg Ryan sex, I am queering pleasant normal romantic Meg Ryan sex, and that is literally the kinkiest thing you can do.

*If you don’t understand what Meg Ryan sex is, you need to watch When Harry Met Sally, right away.

Now, in the hands of a powerful queer witch like many of my drag friends, that kink could be very empowering. I’d say to people ‘bitch I’m Madonna, my kink is destroying romance’ and then I’d do a death drop. But I’m not Madonna.

Your favourite hag

I’m Sue Gives A Fuck, a subby old hag who learnt about trannies from fag-bashing stories and Chandler’s dad (surprisingly, however, I do an excellent death drop).

So my kink isn’t destroying normalcy, it’s being rejected by it. Telling the stranger I’m having sex with (a cis, mostly straight man) that I’m in love with him doesn’t diminish him, it worships him. It worships his normalcy, and it prompts the inevitable rejection, my point of climax.

Inevitably, this kink creeps into the messages I send to men on apps. I’ll call them ‘handsome’ instead of hot, and reply to their ‘nice pics babe’ with ‘Thank you.

Why are you so kind to me? X’

Usually they don’t even register it, beyond sensing that unfortunately they’re going to have to snog me a bit before they can put it in. But Ahmed noticed. And he really rose to the challenge.

Love is in the air?

Over the course of about 3 weeks our messages became more and more romantic.  He said he was going to make love to the woman in me and fuck me so deep he would find my soul. If that’s not a love-kink I don’t know what is.

I responded by copying and pasting famous lines from rom-coms into our conversation to see if he’d clock it. When he mentioned the terrible weather I said ‘is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed’.

Kinky love or loves some kink?

You see, I’m into this love-kink, but to me it’s still basically a game. If I’m going to have actual romance, I’m going to do it in the ordinary way, by getting to know someone. Not by texting subby fairytale lines to a stranger.

When we met for the first time it was clear he did not share this philosophy. He was obviously nervous, and when I kissed him he said ‘this feels like coming home’. Ffs. I’m gonna have to be careful with this love-kink.

Was denkst du darüber?