Two months ago, London stand-up comic and performer Sue Gives A Fuck, having performed in drag for five years, had sex in drag for the first time. It began a journey that taught her about herself, allowed her to date for the first time, and made her an absolute cock destroyer.

Sue Gives a Fuck:

I’m a drag queen. When I switched my gender to female on Tinder, things got niche.

For a long time, I’ve called myself ‘non-binary’. I spent many years as a non-binary snowflake dating other non-binary snowflakes, listening to Lana Del Rey in a gentle river of bottoms, and assuming that sex was this unsatisfying for all queer people.

I’d formed the idea that there are two worlds: the straight world, where everyone desires each other and is basically fine – and queer world – where everyone wants things to work more like things do in the straight world and is basically miserable.

Dressing up

But, three months ago I stumbled home from a show and saw a message from a guy on Grindr asking if I’d dress up and let him fuck me… Well, as it happened, I was dressed up right then, and I was also drunk, so I thought it would be rude not to.

The experience unlocked something in me that I couldn’t name. I still can’t name it really, but the next day I decided that Grindr wasn’t going to cut it. I uploaded my best drag photos to Tinder, switched my gender to female, and started swiping for straight men. Here’s the first guy…

Let’s call him Leandro

Leandro was a large gentleman: 6’2 with rippling muscles and the kind of thighs that could crush a lady’s head if she asked very nicely.

The plan, made on Tinder, was for him to come to mine on the Tuesday. When I showed his photo to my housemate and fellow drag-queen-on-a-journey Margo Marshall, it emerged that she had a similar plan, made through Grindr, for him to visit her three days later. And, since Margo and I live together, this meeting would also take place at mine.

First impressions

When he arrived Margo dashed into the bathroom: unshaven and wearing a towel was not the first impression she intended to make. In my room I nervously moved by hair about while Leandro used the other bathroom. If anything, he was actually larger than I’d imagined. Picture Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and add about a third. I demurely reclined on the bed and he lay down on top of me, crushing me, without me even asking nicely.

We kissed for a moment, but by the time his shirt was off, we’d both become aware of a thudding sound that was out of rhythm with Robyn’s new album.

Disaster strikes

I went to investigate and discovered Margo locked in the bathroom, trying to break the door down. Leandro had initially tried to use the bathroom she was in, and had broken the handle. He was literally too big for doors! Margo was fuming because she had an important meeting to get to and no time to get there. I tried all the tools in my drag bag (a screwdriver, some scissors, and a setting spray) and the door wasn’t budging. Leandro did not offer to help fix the door that (surely he must have known?!) he’d broken. Instead he made his apologies and left.

I ran outside in my lingerie to throw some clothes to a naked Margo, who then climbed down from the second floor window. Unfortunately, the door locks automatically and I hadn’t taken my key. Margo dashed off in a pair of my shorts while I waited outside for the locksmith. He arrived two hours later and, in spite of my becoming smile and lacy lingerie, he just fixed the lock and left. I took off the makeup and ate a pizza.

Was denkst du darüber?